Little Ray of Sunshine
by Scifikt
Summary: It is early in Sam and Jack's relationship when he finds a secret.


Little Ray of Sunshine

Sam stepped out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her chest.

"Now I'm sorry I unpacked the towels."

Sam shook her head as she grinned and looked over at Jack, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. "Have you seen any shampoo?" Sam moved over to the boxes near her closet. She and Jack had spent the day unpacking and getting her new house in Colorado set up. She opened the box on top and found sweaters. The box below it was lingerie, too bad she wasn't so tired from the move. She closed it quickly but made a mental note about where it was as she slid it into the bottom of her closet, so she could find it quickly tomorrow.

Jack stood up and opened a box next to her dresser. It contained a couple books, some pictures, two cardboard boxes, and a jewelry box. He put it on her dresser and opened the box below it as Sam moved on to a third box. He hit pay dirt, shampoo, shaving cream, razor, soap, wash cloths, two candles, and make-up. "Found it."

Sam gave him a kiss on the cheek as she reached inside the box. "Thanks, Jack."

"I'll just keep unpacking while you shower."

"You don't have to, but I do appreciate all your help today."

He took out the candles and make-up, the only things Sam didn't take with her to bathroom, and broke the box down. He went back to the open box on her dresser. He took out the books first, one was a small picture album and the other was a handwritten journal. He flipped through the photo album and saw lots of Cassie's school pictures along with a variety of phots that seemed to span almost a decade. He flipped through the journal, stopping to read a few passages but putting it down before he violated too much of Sam's privacy. He put the jewelry box on the dresser and opened it. There was a lovely pearl necklace he'd never seen Sam wear, three rings, one ruby, one turquoise, and one emerald, a couple bracelets, and a pile of string. Jack picked up the string and found it was actually four woven bracelets. He remembered the phase where Cassie made these for everyone. Of course Sam saved hers.

He took out the two shoe boxes and sat them on the dresser before breaking down the bigger box. He opened the smaller of the two boxes and found a bunch of key chains. He picked through them, seeing New York, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Orlando, Paris, London, Cairo, and a variety of other locations. He grinned, thinking about Sam documenting her travels with keyrings. How had he never noticed this.

He closed the small box and opened the larger box, which had probably held boots at some point. It was filled with cards, birthday cards, get well cards, and thank you notes. There were way too many get well cards. Jack opened a few and read them. There were cards from him, Daniel, Janet, and several drawings Cassie had made when she was younger. He found a couple cards from Pete, which made him grimace, so he put those on the bottom. He took the box over to the bed and leaned back on the pillows as he read through some of the cards he had given her over the years, never writing what he was really thinking.

Jack looked up as the water turned off. He could make out her shape through the shower curtain as she toweled off.

"Do you save all the cards you get?"

Sam glanced out and saw Jack sitting with the box on the bed. She wrapped the towel around herself. "Usually just the fancy ones." He nodded as she stepped into the bedroom and pulled pajamas out of a box. "My mother never let us buy the nice greeting cards. She wasn't willing to spend three dollars on something that was just going to be thrown away. She had these big boxes of generic cards and we had to use those. I hated giving out boring birthday cards to my friends. So, when I got nice cards they seemed too special to just throw out."

"You have way too many get well cards in here."

Sam shrugged. "It's part of the job." She went back in the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth.

"What's a patter?"

Sam peeked back out the door, with the toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. Jack held up the paper covered in light blue ink. "That's from the cruise Janet and I went on." She went back into the bathroom.

"I remember that. Cassie and I had a good time while you two were gone."

Under the patters Jack saw a bright yellow piece of rolled up cloth. He picked it up and unrolled it. It was a small onesie that had Little Ray of Sunshine written on it in green. He was still holding it up when Sam walked into the bedroom. She stopped walking and starred at it before turning off the overhead light and moving to the other side of the bed. Jack laid the baby onesie down as Sam sat with her back to him. She let out a slow sigh as she tried to collect her thoughts. She scooted back and leaned against the pillows before reaching over and picking it up.

"Janet gave it to me. She thought the sunshine bit was funny since I'm an astrophysicist." Jack nodded and waited. Sam's stomach knotted. She should have told him a long time ago, something Janet had been kind enough to only mention a couple times. "I was briefly pregnant a few years ago."

Jack's eyebrows shot up as Sam folded the onesie and put it back in the box. "I miscarried a couple weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I thought I could just carry on, but it was weighing on me more than I cared to admit. That was part of why Janet made me take that cruise."

"I thought it was the dying thing."

"That was part of it too." She shifted onto her hip, so she was looking at him. "It had been a stressful couple of months and Janet was worried I was going to crack. I don't think she was right, but I went along with it."

"You did seem better after you came back."

Sam nodded. "We had fun and it was nice to relax for a while." She put her hand on his arm. "I guess I should address the elephant in the room."

"We weren't together back then. You don't have to tell me anything."

Sam grimaced. "I miscarried while you were trying to track down the men threatening General Hammond."

"Bauer was breathing down your neck."

"He was but I handle stress like that on a daily basis. Janet did some tests and there weren't any chromosomal issues, so she wasn't able to find any other physiological cause. Sometimes it just happens, stress or no stress."

"Still."

Sam closed her eyes. "It was yours." She slowly opened her eyes. His complete lack of movement scared her. "Jack."

"I heard you."

She gently squeezed his arm. "I'd only known I was pregnant for about a week. I knew I would have to leave SG-1, not only because I couldn't go through the gate but also because we wouldn't be allowed to be on the same team. I was terrified when I first found out, but it wasn't long before I started thinking about how great it was going to be, to be a mother. Janet got me the onesie when I told her I was going to tell you and General Hammond."

"Did you tell Hammond?"

She shook her head. "No, I was planning on it, but he retired first. There wasn't a good chance over the next few days and then I miscarried."

"But you still didn't tell me."

"I didn't want to lose you."

"You wouldn't have."

"You're wrong. If I'd told you I would have had to leave SG-1. I would have lost you, Daniel, and Teal'c. I just didn't want to lose any more than I had already lost."

Sam's stomach lurched as Jack moved his arm from under her hand. When he put his arm around her shoulders she relaxed slightly. "I wish I'd known, but I can see your reasoning." She put her head on his shoulder.

"I really am sorry, Jack." His arm tightened around her as he stared up at the ceiling. "Jack?"

"Did Janet know I was the father?"

"We didn't talk about it, but she knew I wasn't seeing anyone and she knew I conceived while I was on that ice planet. She ran some tests and it turns out the chemicals they used to block our memories also negated my birth control."

"So, she guessed."

"She hinted that it was you, but I never confirmed anything."

He turned his head and looked down at her forehead. "Did anyone else know?"

She slightly shook her head. "No."

"Not even Daniel?"

Sam gave him a small tight grin, "Nobody. You were going to be the first person I was going to tell. I'd been planning it out."

Jack sat moved his arm, sat forward, put the top back on the box, and placed the box on the floor beside the bed. He laid back down. "I shouldn't have been poking around."

She put her hand out and laid her fingers on his arm. "I don't want to have secrets from you, at least not any more than we're required to have."

"We should get some sleep." Jack leaned over and turned off the lamp beside the bed.

Sam turned off her light as well. "Good night."

"Night."

She laid there waiting for his breath to change, to know he was asleep. She watched the moonlight make patterns on the ceiling as it pushed its way through the sheer curtains. She knew he was awake and worried about what thoughts were going through his head. Had the biggest secret she had ever kept from him ended what they had only recently worked out? Was this unforgivable? Truthfulness and honor mattered a great deal to Jack, it was part of what attracted her to him. He'd made some tough choices and done some ugly deeds during his career, but he maintained his morality and she knew his core was good. Was he questioning her integrity now? She was mentally working herself up just thinking about the possibility that he would leave in the morning and it would be over.

He knew she was still awake because she was so still. Sam fidgeted when she slept. Occasionally she would kick him but usually she would just reach out and graze his arm or leg. Sometimes she jiggled one leg or her foot, but rarely was she still.

"Sam?"

"Yes."

He put his arm out. "Come here." Sam rolled over until she was pressed up against his side. "Can't sleep?"

She swallowed, trying to keep her tears at bay as her fears gnawed at her chest. "Are we over?"

He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Absolutely not." She sighed and put her arm across his chest. "You've been thinking too much again."

"Am I alone in that regard?"

"There's no way I could ever match your level of thinking, but tonight I'm giving you a run for your money."

"I really am sorry."

"I know you are and I'm not mad."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then what's keeping you up?"

The hand behind her rubbed her back while his other hand moved up to cup the side of her face. "You were pregnant with my child." His thumb traced her cheek. "It makes me feel different, it makes us feel different to me, in a good way."

Sam's relief overpowered her self-control and her tears dropped down onto his shoulder. The feel of her tears ripped Jack open and he pulled her closer, kissing her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let the kiss deepen, hoping that if this didn't break them they really might be able to make it.


End file.
